Advice About Teen Daughter

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Melissa,

First and foremost she has to understand how valuable she is. She was created to be the apple of God’s eye. He created her physical body with a specific purpose – He created her mind to help guide her through life – He created her heart to give her compassion and tenderness. But none of these were created independent of the other. Everything about us is designed to intertwine for His purpose. To upset the balance of one, upsets the balance of the whole being. She is precious to Him. She needs to take time to let that sink into her soul. She is more valuable to Him than any other. Because you’ve said she is a Christian girl, you and I both know she has heard countless times how her body is God’s temple. And that is certainly true. Unfortunately when your hormones are screaming one thing – it gets pretty difficult to recollect that fact simply because you’ve been taught it. The strength to resist the temptation that ALL girls at this age face comes from the infallible assurance of whose she is. And as far as trying to get their attention, she only has to do one thing – be born. They notice her. They see her. But here’s the beauty of it – she gets to choose what they see. SHE gets to decide how they view her. Without fail, a guy will notice a beautiful girl. He will see (and feel) when one is changing herself to be noticed. Is that what he really wants? Maybe for the moment – but not really. If he could flashforward about 10-15 years, I think what he would find is that what he really wants is someone who is confident, a girl who is solid in what she believes in even when she’s standing on shaky ground. He wants someone he can rely on; someone to trust without question. He will find her kind spirit, her laughter, and her honesty far more beautiful than the local hottie. And the truth of the matter is – they are a dime a dozen. Practically any girl can dress the part and play the role, but alarmingly only a handful are able to withstand the lie that we, as a society, have poured into them. But your daughter has the power to do just that. No one can make that choice for her – and trust me, as a mother of 2 teenage daughters, I wish I could. But what strength that comes from knowing that the God of the universe has equipped her to make those decisions! Far too often, young girls are making decisions in opposition to God’s plan for them and as we both well know – there are always consequences. Now if your daughter could flashforward 15 years – what does she want to be remembered as? In looking back, certainly I remember a couple of the beauty queens but what truly remains in my memory are the girls who were nice to me. The ones that didn’t gossip and were there when boyfriends weren’t. The ones who had me over to their house and I felt welcomed. The ones that helped me sort through life. At the same time I also remember those who had a reputation for making some pretty rotten choices and to this day when I run into one of them – that is my first thought. Sad, but true. How she presents herself now WILL be remembered. I heard a speaker, Chad Eastham, ask a room full of 10,000 girls did they want to be a target or a treasure? He went on to explain how girls have such power to determine how others view them. I strongly recommend his book, "The Truth About Guys". He takes a very honest approach at what guys are thinking and what girls should know.


Tough, tough times. Tougher now for this generation than any other. My prayer is that your daughter will submit to the will of the Holy Spirit above all else. She deserves nothing less!